King iO's Decree

I, Ian Oswald, the Only Royal King of the iO Theater Network, hereupon issue a decree!

In mine kingly wisdom, I HOLD IN CONTEMPT, the three naifs responsible for Super Talent Show, a.k.a. The iO Theater's most depraved and disgusting sketch show in history! I hate this sketch show! And I'm the king!

But don't just take my (holy) word for it, I have thus enumerated everything these awful fops did during their first two shows! 

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An excerpt from Jude Tedmori's diary

Dear Diary,

Jude here, with some big news.  HIJINKSBUSTERS (after being pushed back a million times for things like Jangleheart, HIJINKSfest, and prom) is FINALLY tomorrow!  

In case you didn’t know, diary (AS IF I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT IT ENOUGH) HIJINKSBUSTERS is my DREAM SHOW! I get be a HIJINKSBUSTERS for one whole night! I get to be Jamie, Venkman, Adam, Slimer AND Carl Spackler all wrapped in a JUDE BLANKET SANDWICH! O.M.Gosh! I hope all the girls think I’m cute after the show! I’m talking to you, Steph Cook (don’t tell, diary! :-P!!!).

When I first came up with everyone’s individual HIJINKS (HIJINKS=Myth *~*ObViOuSlY*~*), I just thought it would be funny to see that specific person do it, little did I know I had stumbled upon their greatest weaknesses!

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Where Are They Now?: MC Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit" by Andy Boyle

We all remember where we were when MC Hammer’s “2 Legit 2 Quit” music video first debuted: Transfixed in front of our television sets. Many of us had to sit there because our parents couldn’t afford a remote control, and it was our job to change the channel. Some of us weren’t born yet, but we still remember that November day in 1991.

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50 Shades of Mew by Mel Evans

The fanfiction community is a largely untapped resource here at The Steamroller, but that's about to change. Local writer/podcaster Mel Evans is here with an erotic and provocative new piece.

This piece originally appeared on Mel's website, where she writes: "Given the upcoming release of 50 Shades of Grey (the movie), I decided to post my erotic fan fiction. I have performed this elsewhere, but since I have not yet received a book deal, I am posting it again. Please enjoy my erotic fan fiction."

The day was already ruined. I had been expecting a lovely nap in the sun, but unfortunately my plans had been upset when a can of white paint was unceremoniously dumped down the back of my luxurious black fur, my one pride.

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Girlfriend Construction Set: a computer game review by Ben Vigeant

I've never been good at building things. When I was a kid, I’d pour out the box of Legos onto the ground and just stare them, impotently. Which is why 1989’s Girlfriend Construction Set for MS-DOS didn’t seem like it was for me. A deeply embarrassing game from a time when it was just immediately assumed that if you even glanced at a computer you were a vile person, as opposed to now, when it’s just likely you are.

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