Hey you.

Yeah, you.

Let’s make out.

I’m sorry, that was really forward of me.

I just think we should play some tonsil-hockey.

Y’know, some tongue-racquetball. Maybe a little mouth-squash.

I’m sure you know all those sexy, sexy, face games.

Okay, I can see I’m losing you, let me put it this way.

You know that place where you keep your teeth?

I have one of those places too.

We should smash them together for pleasure.

It’s going to be great. We can get our brains super close together.

About as close together as brains can be.

Once we do that, you can go ahead and get all up inside the thing I use to eat corn.

Was that too much? I always do this. I’ll dial it back.

Let’s smash our whistlin’ bits together.

Sorry, sorry. Let me rephrase.

We should kiss.

But not one of those dumb short little kisses, I’m talking one of those big ol’ kisses.

Yeah, it’s gonna last awhile. We’ll be doing all sorts of kissing.

And if we get really into it I might make a weird grunting noise.

I could make all sorts of crazy kissing noises if I really wanted.

However, I am a considerate lover and I practice great restraint.

I can see that you’re thinking this over and I respect that. There are plenty of people to make out with and I’d be quite honored if you chose me.

Just remember. Talk is cheap but kissing is free.

I await your decision.

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