MY NEW MUSIC COLUMN!!!!!!!! by Gabe Liebowitz

Yesterday, without any explanation or context, I received this submission from Gabe Liebowitz, singer, songwriter, and bandleader for the excellent Chicago-based folk rock band Dastardly. I couldn't tell if the "NEW" in "MY NEW MUSIC COLUMN" is in reference to the music or the column, but based on his numerous Facebook status updates in the last 24 hours, he seems to have his heart set on this column becoming a regular thing (and maybe going viral), so help him out with that by checking out TOPPIN THE CHARTS.

hey gang. today we’re TOPPIN THE CHARTS with gabe liebowitz. we’re going to be talking about some of today’s biggest hits. people always tell me that i’m a great writer. people always tell me that i’m in touch with the pulse of modern music. so here i am, with my own column.

first of all, let’s talk about the biggest hit of the year. “thrift shop” by macklemore & ryan lewis ft. wanz. this is the breakout hit of the year. people say that it is the gotye of 2013. people say that it is the twee-hop anthem of the tumblr generation. i agree with all of these things and more.

moving on, bruno mars has been on the charts for 18 weeks with his breakout hit “locked out of heaven.” it’s a great music video. i like that he sings like sting, but he’s not sting. sting is white and bruno mars i think is hawaiin. not that there’s anything wrong with that. ;-)

up next we have scream & shout with britney spears and will.i.a.m. will.i.a.m. has been turning heads ever since he was a hologram on cnn. this song is an anthem to the obama generation’s digital age. i think that we are all pretty glad that britney bounced back. when i first heard that there was a new video called “scream & shout” starring britney spears, i thought it was a tmz video of her throwing a tantrum.


but to be real, we’re all really proud of her.

number 4 is the lumineer’s breakout hit ho hey. even though they are from denver colorado, they have the authenticity  of the timeless tradition of wearing vests and playing banjos in a bar in williamsburgh, brookyln. for those of us living in the hustle and bustle of city life, it is cool to be transported to the more chill bars in the city where sometimes they turn off the electricity and sing wagon wheel.

taylor swift’s trouble is number 5. this song really upsets me. because taylor always makes herself the victim. i’m sorry taylor, but how many boyfriends have you had in the past two years? is it really “all them?” are you totally innocent? when there is music out right now with the authentic honesty of the lumineers, america doesn’t have patience for b.s. anymore. maybe you should have a hit about how you have some stuff you need to work out for yourself too.

well that’s it for the charts.

let’s look quickly at music news. pitchfork media turned heads by announcing that r.kelly will be headlining their festival. this has divided the hipsters in three ways. there are people who think that he is lame. there are people who think that he is funny because of his hiphopera. there are people who think that he is lame and also funny.

my two cents: i like him.

let’s look at a little more music news. beyonce, whoa! she just came out of nowhere, huh? suddenly she is playing the superbowl, and is married to jay-z, and has a baby on the way. she is crushing the game right now, i can’t wait to see where all this takes her.

also, one last tidbit. a lot of people are talking about grimes. she deleted her tumblr page. i’m not sure what grimes is, but i’ll try anything once.

that’s it for my column. if this goes viral i will probably write another one. i really like writing about music. if there’s one thing i like more than writing about music it’s listening to it. ;-)

-Gabe Liebowitz