The search for employment can be challenging for up-and-coming performers. , a comedian, actor, writer, and musician based in Chicago, sent over this record of her experience on the job hunt. If you happen to be in New York City on March 8th through 10th, you can see Thea perform in 5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche, which is currently enjoying an open run at the SoHo Playhouse.

Like all aspiring comedians, I aspire to be a comedian. But I like money. Who doesn’t like money? Well, besides poor people, who totally must hate money because why else would they not have it around? So I turned to the Internet, because I was procrastinating cleaning my house, and did some research.

YES. This was a good sign. “Comedy Workers Wanted.” There was demand and I was the supply. It looked promising. I could be:

• A comedy mechanic
• A comedy doctor! Deliver diabetic foot removal news paired with a Splenda quip!
• A Groupon Customer Service Representative
• A prop comedian with a hilariously large Fruit Roll-Up
• A non-descript comedy dental hygienist – spit takes are a guarantee!
• A comedy old man!
• A comedy Jay Mohr making an appearance on Home Improvement

Why Join? Are you kidding? I want to be a Comedy Worker! Sign me up to get “thousand’s” of relevant alerts. Yes, I want to possess all those alerts! Who wants a zero inbox? Not this future worker of comedy.

I couldn’t limit my search to just one site. Luckily the Internet was working in my favor and I stumbled upon my next source of information.

Jobs Comedy? Yes, I am looking for jobs comedy. SEVEN URGENT OPEN POSITIONS?

I didn’t apply for this one because I didn’t know how urgent my wit needed to be to get the jobs comedy. I figured that the urgency must be for the Comedy Doctor Worker who will provide them with the best laughter medicine a 2-drink minimum can buy. I hope some aspiring comedy doctor comedian fixed up a jobs comedy resume and sent it over ASAP STAT.

It was probably best for me to narrow down my focus. Did I want a Comedy Job or a Comedian Job?

Whatever my decision was, it was important to map it out via Roman numerals, which seemed pretty formal and intimidating at first. Then I remembered: The Greeks had their tragedies. The Romans probably came in, stole those tragedies, & made them into comedies. Over time, of course. Then they probably beat those jokes to death.

But sometimes you receive mixed messages.
             I.   Are there millions of jobs?
             II.  Or is there only “1 Comedian jobs”?

I didn’t risk it and sent my jobs comedy resume off into the great WWW. I don’t want to get my hopes up, so I submitted my email address to this site to receive all—don’t be jealous—of the new jobs comedy.

Also, apparently they’ll be mailing me bells, which I’m pretty excited about.

Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for my career to really take off. Take off as a Comedy Veterinarian.

-Thea Lux